So...now Aries know about it too :O DANG IT =___=" People, how the hell do you find outttttt~? Goshersssss.... Now both Chris and Aries know who I like.... =____=" *sigh* Life is life. It's not fair either way. Geez, and you know what? All is left is the clueless, neglectful ("neglectful" because he rarely hangs around us three anymore...but still, he makes a part of our 'wonderful' teammmm~) Andrew :I No way he's gonna figure it out also...unless he's been watching...which I know he hasn't or even tried to :I
Anyways, as girls always do when they find out about each others' crushes (Aries is taken by her British boyfriend...whom Chris and I met a few weeks back, the week before Thanksgiving break), Aries was being ultra-thrilled and congratulated me :I ....Great.
"HOW?" I asked her. "How did you know?" --> on FB.
Aries: "I just kinda had a feeling you did...by your body language." O__O
Me: O___O "Body languageee?" So, I asked her how in that area as well :I
Her: "Well...you're always turned to him and always laugh at everything he says."
O___O "...but I always laugh at everything Chris says toooo~..."
Aries: "But...yeah, you DO kinda...also... Still...."
Me: *sigh* Dang my FACEEEE and body language...
...I don't know. You know...that one night when my brother and I went out to see the Harry Potter movie with Chris and his friend, Gary* (a cousin of Shayne's)...Mom had the weirdest thought. So, the next morning when I came back from the university, she and I had this..."guy" talk. Guess she thought Chris liked me or something, but I'm sure nothing like that is happening :I Still...she told me that she only wanted me to stick within my ethnicity group; I can't even date any other Asians out there.
I asked her, "What if we want to date a Chinese, a...?"
Of course, Mom went very...uhh...well...passionate about dating only those within our own ethnicity, and that is Hmong, and only Hmong....which is Asian....but Mom doesn't want me to date Chinese...etc. You get it? Overall, she was really serious....and angry...kinda...and just plain SERIOUS~ :I
And that was that. After I told her that Chris and I are just friends :I
And that she shouldn't think weird....or think anything weird beyonnnnnd my imagination =____="
Anyways...I know. I shouldn't listen or whatever....but what Mom said stuck in my mind for the past few days :O
So....yeah, Shayne saw it, and geez, he and I had a talk about it too.
Him: "...So, now what? Aren't you going to go out and explore? Don't date someone you don't like, and since you don't really like your own people as more than friends or even get along with them in a way...that's beyond that..."
Me: O__O "Well...."
Wanna know something? Yahh~ Shayne even asked me if I would date his own people after I rejected a bunch of others, not because I'm racist~ It's because I don't feel comfortable with them. But when he asked me, ME, about his people...if I would ever date his own people, I just went, "I guess."
Him: "What?"
It was like...he wanted me to say IT! So...I sorta did. I was a bit embarrassed even though our conversation was ONLINE =___=" I mean, what's there to be embarrassed about? Or was it "blushing"? Idk...
Sorta did as in---> "...I won't mind dating your people. My brother dated your people b4 sooo...."
Him: "You're saying it as if his ex was a creature! @__@
Me: "~!! Noooo~! I was just saying I won't mind dating your people!"
Him: "Lol~!"
To be honest...Shayne doesn't know how much it hurts sometimes...the things he do... Shayne's just being Shayne. He loves being himself. Who wouldn't love being themselves? Sometimes...he's so friendly toward other people, that he doesn't even know it's "flirting" =____=" This guyyyy....
So, yahh~ You can only imagine what I went through when I came across his page and this girl and him were flirting online (Yeah, every comment was posted publicly)....until he found out she was only 12 :I
LOL~!
The look on his face XD
It's because he loves being himself...and that he IS being himself...he makes me sad at the most ridiculous times ever. The things he say... Sometimes, he doesn't mean for it to happen, but sometimes what he says...can hurt, too, you know?
One time, I told him he should come visit us at the campus, and he said that he didn't always have to be there and I shouldn't always be so "eager" to see him.
It was just the way he said it...broke my heart.
Just before I went out to go see the Harry Potter movie, I invited him to come...and he turned it down after saying, "I don't know you well enough to actually let you pay for me because I'm broke. I really want to go, though. I was just getting ready XD but it's okay."
That too broke my heart.
And lately, I've been feeling like I've been losing touch with JJ because he's so busy, half the time he doesn't even bother to text back.
Sometimes...I even wonder if JJ ever thinks of me as well.
...It was only Jinnie who ever bothered to text me like 24/7 *sigh*~ You can bet I sort of regret giving him my number.
That kid can text on for hours and hours...
...Sometimes...when I'm alone at night...in my room, on my bed, with the lights turned on...I'd sit...and stare at the phone...and think of my heart. When I do, it hurts. It only makes me hold myself together even tighter...tighter than before. I hold myself, hug myself tightly and so hard...for the longest time...thinking...and trying to fill in the hole in my heart. Trying to put myself together.
...I got over Yu Da. But I can't get over the past completely. Especially Yun-Hee.
I don't know why. Yun-Hee irritates me completely, totally. When I think of the class of 20xx, I get so angry. I think of betrayal, their gossip, the looks they gave me, the way they talked to me, their ignorance, their turning backs...
...and it makes me think of Prom. They say...Prom's the night you'll never forget. I won't...because of the stories that are built around it, the incidents, the crying, the heart breaking, the betrayals, the darkness that continues to consume me, those looks, the coldest wind...
...Just break my heart. Just break it again and again. Crush it. Step on it. Push it away.
...It's already broken, anyways.
...Just break my heart.
...Will you ever be there when I need you?
...And if you are...will you abandon me?
...They will.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I always...feel like I want someone, like I want someone to be there physically for me to lean on, for me to hold onto...to turn to when I want to feel needed, to feel wanted. When I want to cry.
But isn't that the same with everyone else out there in the world?
Everyone wants someone too.
