Why am I so heartless~? What do I want? What do I care for? It's laughable to think that I used to never be like this, when I really do not care about how the feelings of other guys anymore. Was this all of Yu Da's doing? I guess so. Yet, I am faced with a self-dilemma now, I'm afraid...

I guess when I said it didn't really matter much when JJ called because I was really upset during that moment when I was blogging, more upset with myself than ever. But when JJ did call up last night, I was really surprised and I felt the smile crept up into my lips so slyly when I heard his voice from the other side. I couldn't believe that JJ actually called, and yeah, I guess I felt really...well, more than just happy. To be more accurate, I felt lucky.

Right now, I even question JJ's intentions.

Why call me~?

I mean...there are other ways to contact me.

He even asked me carefully if he's the only guy who has my number and the only one who has ever been given it, even asked me if I ever gave it away to any guy on the college campus--even to my guy friends. When I told him no, he seemed...relieved. But no, he didn't ask me these questions on the phone; rather, he went on to tell me all this on Skype before we decided to give my number a test. A few struggles here and there...and voila~! JJ's voice on the phone.

Just what is JJ to dreaya?

No, I don't think you're asking the right person.

Rather...what is dreaya to JJ, really and so truly?

And yet, it remains a mystery to this moment.

Not that I don't appreciate his efforts, really. But it worries me so, because...even so...I don't think JJ and I can be anything more than just friends. The same goes to Shayne, the same goes to Jeremy, and the same goes to Jinnie.

How could you want to be with a girl, still suffering and cradling a broken heart?



-dreaya


You can't.

Not if she doesn't allow her heart to be touched for the time being...watching the world standing still before her.