Hey, readers :) Lola, lola~! (Why I'm saying this, I do not know!) How are my dears these days? Well, I guess I got news for you all~ I got myself a phone! A REAL SOLID SLIDING TEXT-PADDED CELLPHONE~! XD WITH INTERNATIONAL TEXT! ALL FOR $35!

Dud.

1. It's actually my mom's old phone from last years; heck, who cares~ It still looks fine; it still looks very cute!

2. It's $35 a month. Activating this old phone and paying for the bill in this month...was TOTAL BULL D: But I was still happy. I'm paying out of my pocket =___="

3. That same day I got myself a phone? *sigh* I spent over a $100 on my parents and myself; I AM their piggy bank for now (even paid for car gas~).

4. I thought I had FREE unlimited international text (so, I can "talk" to JJ), but when JJ text me, I realized that what "unlimited FREE int'l text" means that I can only RECEIVE free, unlimited int'l text. Which was totally CRAP! So, I went online and paid for minutes ($5) to text JJ. As of right now? JJ doesn't' know this.

I was pretty happy, texting to JJ last night but I felt like it wasn't worth my $5 because JJ didn't really text back a lot even though I thought he was just as excited as I was. The point is? A woman should never love a man than he'll ever love her. That's become my belief since last year.

I felt unhappy after JJ text that he had to go, although it was a bit on the brighter side that he still managed to say "Miss ya" on the side.

In addition, I also came to doubt that JJ was even serious with me at the first place. I felt like the biggest idiot ever. I mean, the way he says "Miss ya" so easily was just the same as 3 years ago when I SAW his flirtatious comments on a bunch of Myspace pages. It embitters me! It angers me!

I hate more than ever to be deceived. Which is why I refuse to believe any guy who would ever tell me that he likes me! What, this guy doesn't even know me!

...and today! Today is...

I almost forgot it, you know.

When I did, it made me remember all those painful memories~ The night before, last night... Today...that day... That smile! That laugh...which wasn't so cruel back then.

...You're 19 today, Yu Da.

...Happy 19th birthday.

...Whom did you celebrate with today?

...Do you remember the card that I made for you?


‎Sometimes, I can only blame you for who I am today, thank you for opening my eyes, acknowledge you for being once my friend, and neglect you for your deceit, all contributing to the new me of this year.

You also made me a hollow person, a heartless person, a distrustful person, a fake person.

Should I thank you?

Should I still hate you?

The new year has come for you. Use it well. I don't think I'm going to be around forever, you know?

Nevertheless, I want to thank you. I don't know when it had happened but before I knew it, I had already gotten over you. I don't..."love" you anymore, honestly. I don't even think about you all that much anymore. I don't even speak your name, rarely. Nor do I even care to check with you through Tsukasa as well.

You see...I guess I almost came to forget your existence. But you know better than that. Memories. As long as the memories of that person continues to live on in your heart, there'll  never be a day you'll forget all about them completely.

So, thanks. Thanks for being a jacka$$, thanks for being a coward, thanks for being weak, thanks for being stupid, thanks for taking your anger out on me, thanks for making me cry my heart out, thanks for breaking my heart, thanks for laughing at me, thanks for hurting me with all your might, thanks for watching me fall, thanks for murdering my self-esteem, thanks for making me say sorry even though I never did you wrong, thanks for telling me that you never cared about me, thanks for telling me that you loved Yun Hee, thanks for making me hate the girl you love, thanks for making me lose weight, thanks for taking my gifts, thanks for pushing me away, thanks for being a two-faced FCUKING liar, thanks for pretending to be my friend, thanks for telling my secrets I've so entrusted to you, thanks for stepping all over me, thanks for using me to make Yun Hee jealous, thanks for saying that we were never friends, thanks for telling others I only piss you off, thanks for never listening to me, thanks for ignoring me, thanks for telling me things will be okay, thanks for rejecting me before Prom, thanks for making it clear that confessing will never be worth it, thanks for avoiding me in shame, thanks for being awkward, thanks for leaving me behind in memories, thanks for pretending not to know me, thanks for not noticing my fake smiles, thanks for taking in my fake laughter, thanks for MSN-ing me, thanks for deleting me off FB, and thanks...for allowing me to erase you completely from EVERY SINGLE connection or means of communications I have WITH you.



dreaya


P.S. I guess I'll forgive JJ this time. But it still bothers me, you know. I haven't grown to trust JJ completely yet. Carefully...shielding my heart.