♥ Sunday, October 17, 2010
My Complicate Life ♥
Am I supposed to be disappointed?? Idk. I asked myself this morning whether or not I would care if all of a sudden, J.J. tells me that he's going off to get married or got himself hooked up with some pretty chick. Honestly, I've come to finally realized that although it wouldn't really make me sad or anything (makes me doubt NOW...if I really did like him as much as I thought I did), all it matters is that J.J. would keep talking to me. Though... I also thought that our relationship WOULD change if either of us would get married or get a really successful job career on the way... Don't ask me why I'm thinking about these kind of things all of a sudden. Because I don't really know it myself too.
Then, yeah, I even wondered about a whole bunch of random things. You can BET that...
But of course, I would totally cry my eyes out if one day, he were to tell me that he can't talk to me anymore or end the whole friendship.
Then again...if shawty or hobo or jojo and them were to tell me that same stuff, I would bawl my eyes out too...
Love is a really confusing thing, you know... I don't even understand my own feelings anymore, to be more honest. Not only is this, I was completely irritated with myself because I thought I knew myself better than anyone else.
But...there was shawty =___=" She obviously knew all the right OPENED spots or spaces I would leave out in any PLAN, any THOUGHT, any.... AUGH! Lol. shawty, honey, I still love you though :) Lol. Your words of wisdom are essential for my daily survival =___=" I AM a complete flowerpot without you. You are the soil for my pot. LOL.
ANYWAYSSS....the whole point of this blogging post today is that I don't know I really feel about this guy anymore. In fact, I think I'm probably the most stupidest girl alive because I've asked people if a LD relationship would definitely work out for me. Lol. Stupid dreaya... I know I'm not supposed to listen to people on what they say because you would NEVER know... Love is unpredictable, Friend.
But they're more experienced on me. I just wanted a "heads-up." And even when J.J. said he never thought of me that way, I couldn't help but wonder...
Remember? I told you all before on the other blog...that those kind of decisions--I leave it all to the guy.
Because I guess sometimes...I just love too much, and when that happens, it ends really badly for me.
And that brings in a LOT of pain.
Never mind all that for now, though. How was your morning, people?
It was the weirdest thing...today. Lol. I mean, my morning was probably among the coldest, windiest, and gloomiest mornings of all those past three months combined...and my face was smiling as the summer sun. Why? I kept thinking about stupid J.J. Why? I don't know why! It's sort of embarrassing to always daze off about a guy, you know (GOSH, I'm acting as if I've never felt this way before...).
Well, when I was crazy about Yu Da, I didn't smile THIS much...because Yu Da was Yu Da. Yu Da...was always so...gloomy and bitter about everything.
But this guy... He's different.
shawty kept saying that the way I talked, the way I act...is so different from any other guy I've talked or acted around... I don't really get it, even though...I kind of know what she means by that? I smile a LOT when I talk to him online; he's nice, funny, considerate, generous, caring, SMART (he went to one of the top private Australian universities), mature, long-tempered, DORKY, everything! When I want to talk, he would sit and listen... It's not like the other guys when they don't really want to hear anything at all (and those who do, gets really, REALLY emotional about it).
...gosh, I'm running out of time AND brain cells :(
Can't believe shawty is making me THINK for once XD Lol. I'm so confused, I can't even explain to her what I WANT to hear what is worthy of being explained TT__TT
The world is a mystery.
But we, ourselves, remain a bigger mystery than ever.
Because there's hate...and there's love.
-dreaya
♥ My World My Life
6:16 PM
